Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
