He had one of those small greek statue penises
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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