What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What a dumb baby whore.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
