oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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