I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
