i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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