i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
