Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
