We're like a lot better than the average bears
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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