who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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