We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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