dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sarcasm needs its own font
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
