i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
