I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will be naked everywhere
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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