Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you didnt know i had herpes?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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