ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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