i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
