my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Farmville is her only friend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
