Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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