I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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