Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
