the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
