wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
