i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
