I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
