Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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