Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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