The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
