you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
