Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
