oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
