There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
