I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
