he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
