I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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