we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
