Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
