trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Boobs are out for the taking
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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