i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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