we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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