You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
