C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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