um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
