glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
