my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
