Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
