too bad you live with your parents still
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
