Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
