Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
