Soap is not a condiment
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
