Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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