I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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